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rejection, hormones, thanksgiving, black friday

Sunday, November 27, 2011

apparently november has been designated no schoolember and because of the schedule with my ex i have ended up this entire month with my kids being on holiday. this has not been easy as i have been working hard at getting my site back up a bit (unsuccessful so far) to it's old ranking before the url restructuring. i have a feeling we will never be at the top again. not sure why but think it has something to do with how before on our customized products for each decal i had to offer up 5 different products all keyworded differently and in this new system one decal is one decal with the same keywords just placed in multiple categories.
plugging through the site and keywording it. i have been so busy with filming yankers, watching kids, keywording, working out issues with the new site that i have had no time to really monitor a person i hired on odesk. he had such a high rating and i just kind of trusted him. over thanksgiving i had a chance to really look at his work and i apparently shelled out 500 bucks for him to keyword by copying and pasting my title into the meta title, description and keyword section for 300 products, 250 which were invisible products and did not need keywording. to late to contest as i am responsible for making sure the work they submit is what i want. i feel like and idiot. so no more trusting and more monitoring. sigh.
i arrive at our friends house on bainbridge island wednesday evening. atticus is reunited with his best friend maia. when i see them together i cannot help but smile. they are just so happy to be around one another and they get each other even though they are so very different. at one point while they were playing atticus grabbed maia and said to ava (his older sister) you cannot give me a daughter but maia can. hmmm, i wonder where that came from? what was going on in his 4 year old brain.
rebecca had just finished up the newsletter wed afternoon and it was queued to go out friday morning but when creating the discount sitewide i realized that none of our sale items were actually listed as on sale so i spent a couple of hours on thanksgiving trying to fix that bug while my friends were cooking up dinner in the kitchen.
friday morning comes and we all want to go to seattle but the newsletter, our biggest newsletter of the year, the black friday, cyber monday newsletter did not leave the queue. i am freaking and of course nexcess support is of no help. there normal response to anything is 'hire a developer.'
thank goodness rob is a programming genius. he really is. he is considered a flash expert (wrote the bible) and does stuff with streaming video. he sat with me for a couple of hours to work the bugs out of the store and he helped massage that damn newsletter out the door.
but, because he has spent time helping me he has to stay behind while we all go to seattle. everything is rushed. so rushed. i throw our things into a suitcase and shove my computer into a bag. we pack the car up and are off. as we are parked waiting for the ferry i realize i can't find my cell phone. huge panic. snow phones up rob and asks him to look for it and if he finds it he will catch a ferry over in the afternoon.
he can't find my phone. i know it's there. i tear the car apart on the ferry ride. rob is calling my phone as he walks through each room and he finds it in a slipper under maia's bed. apparently atticus decided to take it off of my computer and hide it under maia's bed. sigh. rob took the ferry over that afternoon just to return my phone to me.
these folks never got irritated with me even though i completely interrupted their lives. they were so generous with their time and such high tolerance of my chaos.
our sales during the big holiday are so sad. even with the 20% our sales are now what they were before we lost traction in google. i hired someone to work some magic and do an ad words campaign but without money coming in how do i spend more money? i did find a good way. another credit card company came along again and offered me 0% interest again so i paid off a huge cc bill that i would have been unable to meet by transferring the balance. someone is looking out for me. so i went and purchased a new heat press from insta because the hix never did get back up and running and the thermometer i replaced in the insta was faulty so we were left pressless.
last week after filming the video i went onto kickstarter to set up the campaign but i did not realize one had to APPLY to ask for $. that some projects actually get rejected. mine was one such project. i have no idea really why. i had a minor panic attack because in my head i had already set up this whole thing so i could get the funding i needed to do yankers. i mean, i could go the traditional route and do shows but that takes bank and i don't have bank right now. so i was devastated to not have access to potential funding from the general public. but, one thing i have noticed is that if you don't succeed the first time you might end up with a different answer if you try again. i think my daughter and son recognize this as well. ha. so i reapplied under design rather than the fashion category and was fortunately accepted.
plus, i've been feeling those hormones raging through my body. for me, hormonal imbalance feels like a huge amount of anxiety and desperation all rolled up into a giant lump that sits right around my pancreas. that switches drastically from day to day. one day i will feel the lump and the very next day i can feel as though i am walking around with all these long strands of amazing white energy extending out of my finger tips, legs, arms, head that seem to bounce around embrace everything around me. oh life. right now i have the lump. ugh. what does your hormonal imbalance feel like?

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