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Website the busiest it has ever been!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

We were expecting a rush. We always get one but this is over the top. This is the busiest the website has ever been since we started babywit.com. Everyone is busting their butts to get these orders put together.
Plus, I am partnering with baby star (Dana, whom I adore because she just goes for it) Jim just started a rock star writing group, Atticus is rolling over and I swear, the most amazing little dude ever, Ava is too damn cute when she puts on little skits for Atticus to entertain him, Igor is happy...I mean things are good, right? Wrong.

I am entering the realm of the winter funk. It sneaks up on me starting and stopping with little paranoid thoughts. They are always people-based. That person dislikes me. This person is no longer talking to me because I must have done something. These people think we are mad at them and therefore they are acting all freaky. I must not be doing enough. I must not be smiling enough. My neighbors detest me and wish I had never moved in next door to them. These people at Ava's Waldorf school hate me because I have commercial toys at my house and wear leather and sell stuff and don't know how I am supposed to help.

Here is an example. I email Ava's teacher and say hey, everyone is so crafty wouldn't it be cool to have a craft fair to earn some $ for the school. Waving flag. Volunteering! Hello. The answer I get back is I will send your recommendation to the person in charge. Not, hey, we have a craft fair every year to do that. Would you like more information? Not, 'hey brilliant, if you were more involved you might realize we do that exact thing EVERY year'.

My ego takes over and I become this person frightened of all social scenes. Each interaction is difficult for me as I just feel my stomach crunching as I interact. Thoughts like 'they really don't want to be talking to me' or 'is my blouse cut too low? do i look like a ho bag or something?' to 'i don't know why they are acting weird towards me but they are' to 'god, i suck. i can't even manage to hand knit my daughter her hat and gloves'.

Then it dawns on me...ah, winter is here.

I called my friend Kelley to talk cause she knows the deal and she told me that one of her old boyfriends had just called to say he was back on alcohol and had announced his intention to run for President on national radio and the announcer on the program had told him he was an idiot because now the secret service would be down his throat and tons of people would be looking to take him out so now he knows that people are after him and he is living in his car because his parents (he is in his 30s) kicked him out because he killed their dog by putting him out in the cold and he (the dog) froze to death and that no one really gets the reality of the situation and that THEY wanted to put him on some drugs and hold him and put him in jail but he was hiding....and boy oh boy....winter...it could be worse, eh?

So, of course over this lovely holiday I will be visiting with the in-laws and I am sure my paranoid little ego will be sitting right on my shoulder the whole time whispering nasty thoughts into my ear.

Tomorrow I am supposed to be the teacher's helper for my daughters class and I just can't face it. I just cannot. I feel like her teacher is some Yoda like figure that likes to test you by asking you to cut out pieces of paper so that the paper will be rounded and then watches to see how you do it as your method will show much about your character. If you cut them out more than one at a time you are a bad parent (I cut them out 10 at a time) but if you cut them out individually you have passed the test. I failed. I failed the entire test because last time I couldn't even stay the entire time. The classroom was butt cold, the kids were not cute and Atticus was freezing because I didn't bundle him enough. I left early, after cutting the paper and enduring a snack time of feeling like a bad parent as my child kept demanding more honey and butter on her roll without even so much as a please.

Oh yeah, and this thing on my shoulder keeps telling me how selfish I am. I hate this thing on my shoulder but maybe I should try to understand and love it? I don't know. I just want to stop feeling like this.

I am reading the Fabric of The Cosmos and it is giving me a whole new perspective on things. A bit frightening, like finding out the world is round when you thought it was flat the whole time but it sure does take you to a new place when looking at things. Entropy is a huge topic in this book. Entropy.

Also, why the hell does Atticus not show up in the spell check as a correctly spelled name?

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